Marriage Square
Four types of Love.
The Marriage Square is designed to show the power of the four known types of love (Agape, Phileo, Storge and Eros) confined to the sacred covenant of marriage. Marriage is the only institution where we are free to experience all of the expressions in their fullness.
Use this video to teach your group about the Marriage Square.
Purpose: This tool is designed to show the power of the four known types of love confined to the sacred covenant of marriage. Finding a healthy balance can radically change the way we love and look at our spouse.
Scriptures:
1 Corinthians 13 - Love
1 Thessalonians 4:3-9 - Importance of Love
John 21:15-19 - Agape vs. Philo
John 3:16 - Christ’s Agape Love for us
1 John 4:19 - We love because He loved
Ephesians 5:22-33 - Mutual Submission in Marriage
Love Definitions:
Agape - unmeritied, unconditional, gracious love. Constantly seeking the good of the one who is loved.
Phileo - Brotherly Love, Love of Friends, equal love.
Storge - Family Love, Protective Love for another.
Eros - Erotic Love, Sexual, Passionate Love
Teach:
Say: “How would you define Love?”
When we think about loving someone else this is most often expressed in friendship or the marriage relationship. However, the marriage relationship is the only relationship that we see four types of love expressed among partners.
Let’s define each of the types of love that we see. (Definitions to the left)
Agape / Phileo / Storge / Eros
“Now as we read through John 21:15-19 let’s look for the times that it says “love” and decide which type of love is present here.”
15 So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love (agape) Me more than these?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love (Phileo) You.” He said to him, “Tend My lambs.” 16 He said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love (agape) Me?” He said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love (Phileo) You.” He said to him, “Shepherd My sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love (agape) Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love (agape) Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love (agape) You.” Jesus said to him, “Tend My sheep.
In this scripture we can see that Jesus was speaking of a different type of love than Peter. Christ desires a foundation of Agape love for our spouses. Yet. all four are important.
Agape love is what we see defined in 1 Corinthians 13. Read through 1 Corinthians 13 substituting “Love” with Agape.
Draw: The Marriage Square and label each of the sides. (This gives us a visual picture of a healthy balance of all four types of love.
Each of these types of love is fueled and supported by our AGAPE love for one another.
Group Action Steps:
Have each member of your group draw what they feel like their “square” might look like. Begin to evaluate and look at Scripture together that might speak about how we are to treat our spouse or what we might need to correct in our own lives.
Spend time together or individually looking up scriptures about marriage. What have you learned from the scripture?
Task your group to ask the following “Four Questions” to their spouse:
What are you excited about?
What are you worried or scared about?
How have I showed you love recently?
How have I not showed you love recently?
***If you have a struggling marriage in your group do not hesitate to offer assistance in finding professional counseling help for them. Campus staff have resources and people to recommend.
***If you have single individuals in your group, this tool can still be taught. Adjust the filter of the square for future relationships or setting boundaries and standards for those relationships.
Closing Questions to ask:
What type of love do you feel you need to work on this week?
What type of love do you struggle the most to give?
What type of love do you struggle the most to receive?
What is one step you will take this week based on what you learned from this tool?